Getting engaged and planning a wedding is an exciting time, but it can also be a source of significant stress and anxiety.
Unfortunately, negative feelings before a wedding can lead to self-recrimination and even more stress. And that, in turn, can set off a cycle of crying jags, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, stomach aches, and even difficulty swallowing, physician and mental health professional Dr. Michel Nawfal says in a recent blog.
"You might wonder how come you’re so unhappy and so tired psychologically and physically while it’s supposed to be the best thing that ever happens to you," Nawfal writes. "This is when the feeling of guilt hits you as you start doubting your decision. You question yourself and your spouse to be. A thousand questions and ideas cross your mind every day. They can vary from whether you’re marrying too early to whether you’re marrying the right person at all. Let me assure you: This anxiety is totally normal."
You're Not Alone
It's normal, and it's quite common. In fact, a study by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America showed that nearly one in five people experience anxiety disorders yearly, and major life events like weddings can exacerbate these feelings.
In an article for Harpers Bazaar, writer Marie-Claire wrote she wishes she knew that while she in the thick of her own wedding planning.
“The truth is, my wedding day actually was one of the best days of my life,” she writes. “But many moments in the five months leading up to it, made up some of my worst. I had never felt so on edge. I cried randomly and often. I felt paranoid and insecure. And I want to talk about it. Because in the tulle-drenched, bubblegum fantasy land of wedding planning that I was engrossed in for a year, not one person said to me: you may feel absolutely horrific.”
Pre-Wedding Jitters vs. Anxiety
It's important to differentiate between feeling nervous about your wedding day and more serious anxiety.
Pre-wedding jitters are temporary feelings of nerves or excitement that typically subside after the wedding day.
Anxiety, on the other hand, is a persistent and often debilitating condition characterized by excessive worry, physical symptoms, and difficulty functioning.
If pre-wedding anxiety becomes overwhelming or interferes with daily life, it's essential to seek professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor.
Why Do I Feel This Way?
Any number of factors could be contributing to your feelings of anxiety.
They might include:
Societal Pressure and Expectations
Weddings are heavily romanticized in our society, and there is often an expectation for them to be perfect, magical events. This pressure can create unrealistic expectations and a fear of disappointing loved ones or falling short of societal norms.
Financial Stress
Weddings can be expensive, with the average cost topping $30,000 in the United States in 2023.
Financial concerns, such as budgeting, managing costs, and potential debt, can weigh heavily on couples.
Family Dynamics
Family tensions, differing cultural traditions, or strained relationships can create additional stress and concern during the wedding-planning process.
Logistics and Decision-Making
Planning a wedding involves countless decisions: selecting a venue and vendors; managing guest lists and seating arrangements; wading through endless flower, food, decor options. In many ways, the planning can be fun, but the sheer volume of choices can be overwhelming, too.
Fear of Change
Getting married is a significant life transition, and it's natural to worry about leaving behind your independence or navigating the challenges that come with married life.
Symptoms to Watch For
Recognizing symptoms of anxiety is one of the first step in addressing it. Some signs to watch for include:
-Excessive worrying or catastrophizing
-Physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, or stomach issues
-Avoidance of wedding planning tasks
-Difficulty making decisions
-Irritability or mood swings
Don't Ignore Your Feelings
It's crucial to address feelings of anxiety rather than dismissing them as a simple case of "wedding nerves" or "pre-wedding jitters."
Unaddressed anxiety can lead to more severe mental health issues, such as depression or a panic attack, and can negatively impact the couple's relationship and enjoyment of the wedding day.
There are several effective strategies you can try when feeling anxious.
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
Engaging in mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm.
Seek Professional Support
If anxiety becomes overwhelming, consider seeking help from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide coping strategies and guidance.
Prioritize Self-Care
Make time for activities that promote well-being including exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends and family.
Manage Expectations
Pinterest and Instagram are not giving you the full story: No wedding is perfect. Embracing the idea of "good enough" can alleviate unnecessary pressure and anxiety.
Divide and Conquer
Break down wedding planning tasks into manageable chunks and delegate responsibilities to avoid feeling overwhelmed. You don't have to carry all of the planning on your shoulders.
Communicate Openly
Open and honest communication between you and your partner is essential. Share concerns, fears, and anxieties, and work together to find solutions. And remember, feeling anxious is nothing to feel guilty about: It doesn't mean you don't love your partner or want to marry them.
Supporting Your Partner's Anxiety
If your partner is the one struggling with pre-wedding anxiety, it's essential to be understanding and supportive. Here are some ways to help:
-Validate their feelings and avoid minimizing their concerns.
-Offer to take on additional tasks or responsibilities to alleviate their burden.
-Encourage them to practice self-care and engage in activities that bring them joy.
-Suggest seeking professional help if the anxiety becomes severe or persistent.
Remind them of your love and commitment to them, emphasizing that the wedding is a celebration of your relationship, not a performance.
The Value of Self-Care
Self-care is not a cure-all for anxiety, but it does help promote overall well-being. It's worth the effort to make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, including
-Getting enough sleep and maintaining a healthy diet
-Engaging in physical exercise or outdoor activities
-Practicing relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation
-Spending quality time with the ones you love
-Devoting time to your hobbies or creative outlets
Remember, pre-wedding anxiety is a common experience. By understanding its causes, recognizing its signs, and implementing effective coping strategies, you'll be better able to navigate this challenging time with greater ease and enjoy the journey toward your special day.
Open communication, self-care, and seeking support when needed will be key to managing your feelings and ensuring a positive and memorable wedding experience.
The Bell Tower on 34th, one of Houston’s leading wedding venues, is committed to working closely with engaged couples to help the realize their wedding vision.
Our venue, with full wedding-planning services, serves couples from throughout southeast Texas.
Learn more about holding a wedding here.
The Bell Tower on 34th
901 W 34th St, Houston, TX 77018
(713) 868-2355